Sunday, March 28, 2010

My Bitch Session....

My in-laws are.....loving and give great hugs but also can look at times a lot like crazy wild eyed pirates who know no boundaries. Let me explain.....So as my hubby and I prepare to take a break to free ourselves from all this baby stuff, we have decided to let nature take a turn again and see if it happens that way in the mean time. When we started seriously trying about a year and half ago that seems to be when my mother in-law decided to kick up the crazy a midge. Let me paint this picture for you....Monday-a tearful call about how she is not getting sex from her husband and hasn't for years and me me me me me me. Tuesday-a tearful call about how she feels so bad about unloading her problems in my lap and she doesn't understand why she would do that to me and me me me me me. Wednesday- a call of exhilaration over having a medically healthy day and in good spirits and she knows how much I care about her and wanted me to personally know she is having a good day so don't worry about her. Thursday-my day off so I take my Aunt in law grocery shopping (she had seizures on the brain as child and kind of stayed that age) for 3 hours as she tells me over and over again how much she appreciates me using my day off to help her. (which she does) and 4 calls from work about random stuff- which I enjoy helping so no biggie, run more errands for me then finally back at home like I had been gone for work all day anyway. Friday-a tearful call about some appointment my mother in law needs to go to and can't get anyone to take her and her hubby and children (my hubby) are so selfish and she did so much for them and me me me me me me. So I then make plans to take her to and switch my days off again so I can use my time for everyone else. I am not even a parent and Lord I feel like one! This is a fairly average week, seriously. On worse weeks, she calls multiple times a day and some are crying calls some are bitching calls and some are apologizing for calling so much. Whew! I think she is an undiagnosed Bipolar individual. We are in the process of getting this determined so crossing my fingers. But.....the thing here is, in the middle of all this for the last 2 years we decided to officially try to have a baby. So PLEEEEEEZE someone explain to me how we thought we could be successful AT ALL with all this additional stress? I mean, for those going through it, the fertility doc's plan isn't exactly stress free. Shots, and pills and waiting then prego test, neg. Shots and pills and waiting, then positive.....then miscarriage. And so on and so on. Really? How freaking selfish the rest of the world can be sometimes. If you know we are going through all these processes do people really think its the best time to call with ALL of their problems every freaking day! Now, these people do love us, they just don't have a clue and they think nothing has changed no many how many times I said " this isn't a good time, I am really stressed and trying to relax" That only last for that day then on to another call.....we should move! lol I don't blame anyone for us not being pregnant, I just blame them for not giving us our time to try fairly.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

It's Raining Babies

Holy babies! It's raining babies, I swear! So my best friend had hers Thursday morning at 5:45 am. I must say, watching her go through the entire process-44 hours from moment of induction to birth, 25 hours of total active labor and 19 hours without an epidural, makes me rethink every complaint about not getting the "joy" of pushing a baby through my loins! She was a trooper. I was exhausted watching her so I can not imagine being her. On the next day, my very close friend in Tennessee (It's where I'm from-I live in Illinois now.) had a c-section at 10:00 am and feels great over all and is up and about like its nothing new! This is both of their first child. Then my wonderful friend gave birth to her 3rd child on the following Monday. Now she experienced maybe 6 hours worth of induction and labor. Crazy how different each person is. If I could pick and choose which one I would like to be, it would not be the crazy eyed woman wanting to cut that damn baby out of her!!!! lol, Although, her joy afterwards made it look SO worth it. After all this, this past weekend we went to my husbands coworkers child's 1 year old birthday. Now I LOVE LOVE LOVE kids birthday parties because I think I have more fun then the kids! But......this beautiful Bee themed birthday with balloons everywhere, party napkins, toys galore and even a large banner made specifically for her and surrounded by my husbands coworkers and their tiny babies or toddlers smiling so sweetly happen to be the moment where I temporarily reneged on my whole " I feel so at piece and know we will be fine" attitude. You know that moment where you smile on the outside but are biting your lip to keep from providing the crowd with an embarrassing "look at me, I'm so sad at this moment" moment. Ugh. Not the moment. So I went outside to "collect" myself. But I DID NOT cry! I was proud at myself for that at least! I don't even know what happened. I really felt good and like this will be a great break and I still do so I don't know where in the world that little monster came from. But, I'm back on track for feeling good so....onto another day and lots of joy for my friends with their new families. Weird.......yes I am.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Being me

I have a renewed sense of self!!!!! Its been a fantastic week or so of mental baby break and I already feel refreshed...mentally still not physically yet! My best friend is having her baby in the next day or two and I am so excited. Thats the great thing about feeling at peace with our decision because now I can focus on being over the moon for my close friends happiness, which does mean a lot to me. I can't wait to meet this little bundle of pissing/pooping joy! I can't wait!!!!!!! If you can't tell, I'm only mildly excited. =) lol So for the moment enjoying being me again...feels good.