its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life for me....and i'm feeling good.

After a really wonderful talk with my hubby we are taking a break for a year!!!!!!! Ok, a teenie bit about my husband and myself. We have been together for 11 years. We stopped using protection 8 years ago. A 1 1/2 year ago we got pregnant and didn't know it and miscarried after maybe 7 weeks they are thinking. So now we have been proactive in trying to conceive for 15 months. We did clomid for 9 months and now at a fertility doc for 6 months. So for us its really been confusion for almost a decade. I am soooo happy to be on mental pause from this. I don't want to time a thing, I don't want to prepare a needle for nothing, I for sure DO NOT want to keep sticking progesterone up my twat! If by some crazy chance it happens naturally with us we will be ecstatic, but otherwise, no invitro for 1 year. ( if you listen you might hear me singing hallelujah!) Don't get me wrong, we want kids. I also want a mental break! ....financial break is nice too! We have paid for nearly everything out of pocket. All meds, IUI treatments, all deductibles, you know, all that good stuff. So mental freedom, not to mention sexual freedom!!!!! This feels great!!!!!!!!!! There are a few things we have wanted to do to the house to prepare for a child and no way we can do that and shell out 9k to have one. ahhhhhhhh, this feels like the best butt rub ever!

Green eyed monster....

Alrighty here it is, the ugly truth...I am jealous. I just got word a friend of mine is 5 weeks pregos. Truely happy for her, but they have 1 beautiful little girl and have been trying for 4 months for another and wham..here it is. Also, my very best friend who became wonderfully accidentally pregnant by her husband is in the beginning stages of labor. Just makes me want is all. I haven't felt this twinge yet and I'm uncomfortable that I feel jealous but by no means do I owe myself an apology either. Screw that. If anything I deserve to have this feeling after everything we have been through. You know on one side.....I actually am okay with the wait because I do believe at some point we will have a child. It may be through adoption or with assistance or who knows even naturally. I am enjoying the time with my husband and my doggies (who are like my babies..truely they are.) and some freedom to go and do what we like and the coveted sleeping in. So for that part its okay that we may have to wait. But for the hugs and funny peeing on us moments, giggles, diaper triumphs and failures, crawling, walking,learning, detentions, dating and watching this person grow up, its exciting to think of having that now not later....but we wait. Whhhhwww..(sigh)

Longest Period of my life!

So...about that uterus....man this has been the longest period of my life! Apparently after 17 egg follicles you bleed clots forever! Gross, I know, but my blog, my words. lol 10 days until test results. I'm excited to either rule things out or find out what is the issue. But you know what the best part of last week and the next 2 weeks is....Lots of unplanned sex with my husband! No timing requirements, no "Hey, we need to have a quickie this morning so we can have just the perfect amount of days of abstinence so your sperm will be right." We can final romp in the sack when EVER!!!!!!! And....no planning a mid afternoon yank for the sperm cup and coming and going from work for it. We can relax and enjoy being just 2 regular people for at least a couple weeks. Nice.

The first blog of hopefully few......

A little something about me...I have a uterus, its not cooperating. So after 3 laproscopy's in 10 years for PCOS/Endometriosis and 1 year of OBGYN clomid treatments, we moved on to a fertility specialist. We just finished our 3rd IUI (artificial insemination) with no success. IUI #2 got us pregos but it didn't attach to the lonely uterus and we miscarried for a second time in 2 years. This week feels lonely. I have been very positive up until this point and I seem to be losing it so....I decided to blog. Might as well vent a little and see if that helps, maybe. We are doing a recurring loss panel (tons of blood test in case you aren't aware) and my hubby just did one to test his genes. It will be about 2 weeks until we know the results. So....until then we wait which is awfully familiar to the two weeks follwing an IUI. Wait...and wait....and wait. Next month we are going to start talking with Doc about Invitro. I'm not oppossed personally, just finiancially. So how bad do we want a child....pretty bad. Insurance doesn't cover all this, so its out of pocket and I assure you savings are great for all this until they are at 0$....and it is. We are lucky enough to be able to manage the funds to do these steps but I assure you we are good at budgeting more than any type of assumed wealth. (plus, hey! we have no kids so money is not as tight! lol) So ..... I guess this concludes my first post to, well me I guess.