Saturday, February 5, 2011

where we are now...

One year ago the decision was to stop all fertility treatments and take a break...this months marks the end of that quest. It's been a very long year. I did pretty darn good with not getting real worked up with our struggle. Maybe just a few moments that I just needed to shed a few tears of "whoa is me" and then moved on. Not that bad in all. I think the worst minor meltdown was at the family Christmas party when my mother in law got so excited about all the kids opening their giftbags she put togther that she exclaimed to me "Oh you just need to hurry up and get me a grandchild." Tiger, that one was about a half our in the bathroom crying my eyes out! But, it wasn't meant to hurt me, she just had a moment of unbridled excitment...and not thinking.
So what's been going on with us, it's time to talk baby! We are set up to do invitro in the next 60 days. Our first pre-testing for a period starts in 2 weeks and from there, I can only assume it will get hectic with all the appointments and trips that need to be taken to make this a reality. Our fertility specialist has 2 offices, one in my town and one almost 2 hours away. Just so happens he does the retrieval process at the facility 2 hours away. So we will have 2 or 3 trips there and then the rest can be monitored from here in town. Today I am excited. Tomorrow I hope to still be excited. Taking this day by day until it occurs. As it approaches my anxiety increases. Thoughts flood my brain until I feel exhausted from just pondering. "Will this work?" "Will it work the first time?" "Did I do everything I could over the past year to help us make a baby so we didn't have to pay 12 thousand dollars to do this?" Even, "is it worth it?" If we get pregnant, then heck yeah it will be worth it, but what if we don't, then will I think about it as wasting $12,000? I don't want to be left empty handed. If this doesn't work we have considered adoption again. I think my husband is pretty on board if this doesn't take but then we are looking at another $20,000 for that. You have to wonder at which point is the financial burden too much. I don't want to get to that point. So, Today, I am excited. I hope to be excited tomorrow too. This was a pretty good update for a year in waiting.

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